Cloud-Native Cringe

You were looking for booty pics? LMAO.

We leverage best-in-class absurdity to deliver a domain fit for a goober. Scalable. Reliable. Retarded.

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Trusted by industry leaders who no longer exist

ENRON
THERANOS
FTX
BLOCKBUSTER
OCEANGATE

Why choose Goober Infrastructure?

Designed for modern cringe deployments.

🚀

High-Velocity Cringe

Optimized for maximum latency.

Customer Service
🔥

Our Office Culture

Agile methodology in action.

Fire
🔒

Enterprise Security

Protected by 8 furry hacker twinks.

Security

Pricing

Pay us money to lose your data.

Free Tier

$0/mo
  • 100% Packet Loss
  • We sell your data
  • Support: We scream at you
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Pro Goober

$420/mo
  • Everything in Free
  • Slightly less packet loss
  • Access to the 'cool' discord
Get Goobered

Enterprise

???
  • Dedicated furry handler
  • If you have to ask, you can't afford it
  • We print your emails
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